Influence.

Today at the grocery store, I saw a kid holding a toy aeroplane.

He seemed confused and so I approached him and asked what was he thinking.

With pure innocence he replied, “I love this aeroplane but I don’t wanna get it.”

I then asked why was he holding the plane when he wanted to get the train?

“Because mom said if I can’t find my favourite train then I have to get this plane.” he exclaimed and I smiled and left.

I was sure the kid will find his train and that he won’t have to keep the plane, which takes me back to the days when I was on crossroads.

I loved hanging out with my friends and we had a pact that when called upon, everyone has to be present.

We used to play together, go to movies together and do just a little study.

Those were the days I will never forget, being with people who truly care was the greatest pleasure of my life.

I wasn’t used to the attention but after having such good friends I knew what it meant to be recognised.

Sitting at the center with all these people around, I can say my life was perfect.

Until one day, when I saw this guy/girl walking down towards the class all by himself/herself.

He/she seemed so cool and calm, like he/she was walking in a garden.

I kept looking till he/she wasn’t in sight. It left me wondering how might he/she be feeling.

If I was in his/her place, I would feel terrible. I have all these people around me all the time, though they keep nagging me but I’m used to it now.

I walked into the class saw him/her again, he/she chose a middle seat in the corner row and was sitting all alone.

Everyday I watched him/her spending most of the time by himself/herself, and I wondered why.

I didn’t wanted to look like a stalker, but I was developing an interest in his/her personality.

I was growing very curious about him/her and hence I decided to approach and talk.

The next day, I was in the parking, eagerly waiting for him/her to show up.

And when he/she did, my first instinct was to get up and greet him/her but instead I felt like I was glued to my place and couldn’t move my feet.

I was in a visible distance and so when he/she turned, I flashed a smile but he/she didn’t notice.

I’ve never felt more intimidated in my life before and now I made it my mission to get to know him/her.

All my friends were now aware of the situation and there were some yes-s and no-s, but I knew what I wanted to do, no matter how it turns out.

For a few days I tried to get his/her attention by appearing in front of him/her several times.

I didn’t wanted to get on his/her nerves and so I didn’t try much harder.

Don’t know why but so much mystery was killing me inside. He/she never even tried to approach and so one day I finally talked to him/her in the hallway.

“Hi!” I said

“Hey.” he/she replied, looking at me like it was the first time he/she saw me.

“So, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a few days now.”

“Why?” he/she replied coldly.

“Nothing, just because you keep alone a lot.”

“I prefer it that way.” he/she said, facing me with a little smirk and walked away.

That was strange, very strange indeed. I’ve never felt those kind of vibes before. Strong and positive.

There was an unsettling desire to get to know him/her, which was growing stronger as the day passed.

I didn’t see him/her until the last lecture and as it ended I walked up to him/her and tried to start a conversation again.

“Hi.” I said and he/she looked up at me bewildered, without saying a word.

“I.. I saw you taking notes, can I borrow them?” I stammered

“If you wanted notes, why didn’t you write them by yourself?” he/she said politely, which left me speechless.

“I didn’t take notes I was just doodling.” he/she said breaking the awkward silence and smiled.

“Ooh!” I said and paused, “Can I see it.” then asked suddenly.

“Sure, if you want to.” he/she said and handed me the book.

I felt like a fool and so I kept my eyes in the book till he/she asked me if something was wrong.

“Nooo, why would anything be wrong, I’m just looking at the doodles.”

“Oh yeah! there are just three of them and you are not even blinking.” he/she said and I closed my eyes, turning my head down.

I heard him/her laughing and I looked up. “Do you have any kind of crush on me or something?” he/she asked and I went speechless.

It wasn’t true, I was just curious about him/her being alone all the time but no words came out of my mouth and I kept staring, wide eyed.

After exact one minute I came back to my senses and cried NO in a little loud and peculiar voice.

“Ok then.” he/she smiled, took the book and left the class.

We now started talking a little daily, I liked spending time with him/her.

Which apparently my other friends didn’t like. They always wanted me to go out with the group, it was compulsory for everyone to stay together.

I’ve always thought of it as a waste of time, but was never able to say it.

Now that I was having a productive time with someone else, I was genuinely enjoying the company. But my friends seemed to get jealous of it.

Thus they tried to occupy me most of the time. And when I didn’t wanted to go somewhere they were going, they got all emotional and at last I had to give in.

This continued for a while, until one day I heard very bad things about me, from the very persons who called themselves my friends.

I was shocked and heart broken, why would anyone do that, least of all the people you always put first and cared about.

I tried to confront them but no one was telling me anything, I didn’t know what the truth was but I knew not to trust anyone, anymore.

I didn’t leave any of my friends but yes I shortened the amount of time I spend with them.

And day by day I felt more distant from them, it was horrible for me but it didn’t seem the same for them.

I had so many questions, so many doubts. Was it because of me? Just because I start hanging out with someone else that doesn’t give anyone the right to judge me.

Everything that I had left behind was happening to me again.

The old me would have done anything to get back to those friends, but the person I’m now is not feeling good about anything.

I was in a dilemma, I had no idea what to do. People were slipping away from my life twice as fast as they came in.

I was sitting on a bench in a park, looking down at my book and drawing random lines. Just then I heard someone beside me.

“What did that book ever do to you?” he/she said and I looked up.

I felt so much relieved to see him/her, and to be honest I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else in that moment.

I smiled and moved a little so that he/she can sit. I stayed silent for a while and then a question burst out of my mouth.

“Why are you alone all the time? And how can you be so calm?”

“Who said I’m alone all the time. I’m with you right now.” he/she said as calmly as still water.

“Not right now, but the other times at college.”

“Because I would rather spend time with myself than spending it with people who doesn’t even bother to know me.” he/she said politely.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m related to the trustee of this college and everyone seems to think that I can either be of benefit to them or I can ruin their college life. No one really wants to know me.” he/she replied.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t know. But why doesn’t that bother you?”

“Because there are certain things that you can control and then there are things that you can’t. I can’t change how people think or how they act or what they want from me.” he/she said with a smile on the face.

And in that moment I realised how much happiness I was letting go because of the stuff that I kept over thinking about.

Then I told him/her about the situation with my friends and then the words that came out from his/her mouth did a huge impact on me,

“Sometimes you can’t tell the difference between the things you can have and the things you really want. You may think that they both can make you equally happy, but they doesn’t. You just have to know the difference.”

I completely understood what he/she wanted to say and we then sat there quietly enjoying each others company.

I’ve never been so sure of myself before and I was really happy that I found someone who taught me a different way of looking at things and people.

I can say that I would not settle for the aeroplane anymore if I don’t want it. I will always find my favourite train.

” “

Hello hello, it is really nice to see you all here.

I hope you all enjoyed today’s little segment.

Thank you so much for reading.

And at last I would just say ‘Know your crowd.’

Bye bye, and we’ll meet next Sunday.

😊🙋💬💭